now stay

     I like to think I do a pretty good job of keeping my homesickness
to myself -- not burdening colleagues with complaints, nor unloading
on learners as if they're my peers. But a few weeks ago, I just
couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it was because we teachers were
discussing the end of the term, which got me thinking about my travel
plans. Maybe it was because I was wearing my giant Alaska T-shirt.
Maybe it was because in the morning, I had taken off another link on
my countdown paper chain. Whatever triggered it, I put my head down on
the table and moaned, "I miss my family!!"
     My coworkers' voices immediately took on a tone of soothing. One
fellow teacher said, "Don't worry, you'll be with them now."
     But that's just it. In Namibia, "now" means any number of things.
"I'm coming now" can mean "I'll return in about an hour." "I'll be
with you now" means "You'll have to wait a bit."
     Will I really be with my family "now"? In Namlish, yes, but in
Amlish, no. I came of age in 21st-century America, where you truly CAN
get something "now" -- fast food, movies streaming online, instant
news updates, not waiting for a radio to play your favorite song
(because you have it on your iPod instead), a message from a
friend.... Living in Namibia for over a year could not erase a
lifetime of being spoiled by instant gratification. And right now, I
want this now.
     I picked my head up off the desk to show them I was only being
melodramatic -- not truly crying or anything. I did appreciate their
reassurance.

     Another little language difference in Namibia is how you don't
talk about where you live...you talk about where you "stay." A kid
might say, "I stay with my mother in Okongue" or "We stay with our
grandmother just outside of Okakarara." As for me, I say, "I stay in a
little village about 130 km from Omaruru."
     Your home is where you stay.
     With that is the implication that you don't go astray.... Because
when I hear "Stay," I think, "Stay put." Perhaps someday I can say
confidently, "I stay with my family." But for now I can only say,
"They stay in America. I stay in Namibia."
     I am grateful for what I've learned by living here, believe me. I
know, too, that I'm not done learning. But at the moment, it's time
for me to take a break and get back to my roots. Fifteen more days.

     Happy Thanksgiving to those who stay in my heart. I will be with you now.